by Gianna E. Israel
Copyright © 1996, all rights reserved.
When you hear the word, fantasy, what comes to mind? Perhaps, a naughty sexual fantasy? A person who is living out of touch with reality? Daydreams about a relaxing vacation? A storybook image? Being forced to go shopping while dressed "en femme." Or perhaps, pursuing an impulse?
According to my faithful Webster's dictionary, a "fantasy" is a product of imagination; specifically, an image, (and) especially, an illusory image. It can also mean a whimsical or capricious mood. Most therapists like fantasy, and get to hear private, secret fantasies on a regular basis. As a gender specialist I particularly enjoy fantasy because at times it can play an important role in my work with crossdressers and other transgender persons.
Generally I receive a lot of questions about fantasy, and having fantasies. The one I hear most often from clients is, is my fantasy mentally healthy? I particularly hear this question after a client has shared their fantasy of becoming involved in some activity considered to be a social taboo, immoral or illegal. This may include S & M activities, fantasizing about acting-out violence, being "dressed" as a little girl and having sex with other children, and so forth.
Generally, fantasizing about almost any subject is OK. However, acting on or making a fantasy happen requires asking if doing so is going to create hurt or trouble for yourself or others. For example, fantasizing about unrestrained S & M activities is fine, however during actual S & M activities with another person, passwords or code words are used to help keep the activity safe and within each person's limits. What is particularly nice about fantasizing or daydreaming, is that it can be cathartic. Fantasies allow people to experience situations and pleasures they normally may not find accessible or socially acceptable.
Fantasy can be particularly beneficial, if you are stressed out and need a change of pace. For example, if you are a crossdresser who finds yourself wanting to crossdress at work but unable to do so, there is nothing wrong with closing your eyes momentarily, and fantasizing about what you would rather be doing. Take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy the moment. Fantasies also can be reframed in part as a healthy, therapy dynamic. I have found that individuals who are dissatisfied with their relationships or who have been victimized in the past, occasionally fantasize about less-than-healthy situations, such as being raped, beaten or abused. In these situations I encourage persons to practice changing their fantasies, to situations where they are being loved, respected, and sexually satisfied in a loving manner. With practice it is possible to make healthy fantasies fulfilling, and these mechanisms can play a healthy role in seeking positive relationships and situations.
Recently I was asked if the fantasies crossdressers and transsexuals have routinely differ, and if those differences can be used as a diagnostic tool. In part, where differences are concerned, the answer is yes. Generally, the more strongly identified an individual is with living in role, the less likely it is that they will have fantasies about becoming involved in situations concerning their biological gender. However, because fantasies are fluid and can cross all gender boundaries, they cannot be used as a reliable diagnostic tool. For example, an individual who is only interested in cross-dressing may fantasize occasionally about having genital reassignment surgery. While conversely, a post-operative transsexual may fantasize occasionally about some situation involving their biological gender.
The most common fantasy I hear from crossdressing clients, is one that involves being forcibly crossdressed and made to act as a woman in all respects. This type of fantasy points to the forbidden nature of a man wearing women's clothing. Still, it is a great fantasy and good outlet for those who enjoy it. It should be noted, however, that with that particularly fantasy, exploring it in real life introduces the possibility of new sexual experiences. In that light, remember to use safe sex precautions.
A lot of transgender persons gain information for new fantasies from the writings of others. These fantasies can be particularly rich in detail and imagination. However, the reader does need to exercise caution when adopting information gathered from fictional characters and situations. For instance, many written fantasies relay unrealistic expectations about the effects of hormones. Transgender persons who use hormones are advised to gain credible information from a professional source.
In closing, learn to enjoy fantasy. Its fun, it's free and is good creative exercise.