HARASSMENT (#2)

We live in a society which does not promote respect toward persons who have different appearances, ideas or ways of living. Consequently, many transgender persons experience social difficulties ranging from subtle harassment to indiscriminate violence. This article provides useful information when dealing with these issues and specifically provides coping mechanisms for transgender persons.

It is common knowledge that there are individuals who cannot tolerate differences in others. At times such persons use intimidation, coercion, harassment, or even violence, in an effort to make others feel afraid. Depending on the level of harassment, such persons are known by different names. These include: perpetrator, victimizer, bigot, jackass, creep, scum or jerk, just to name a few. For sake of clarity, I like to refer to these individuals as "bullies," because their behaviour can easily be found on any schoolyard.

Bullies typically act with malice toward others who are different for a variety of reasons. Many do so because their behaviour makes them feel powerful. Some bullies feel entitled to hurt others because they believe it is socially acceptable or that their actions will have no consequences. Others are harassing because they believe that their viewpoint or way of living is the only correct one. Occasionally such persons are uneducated and not aware that others have differences or that their harassment is hurtful.

Whatever a bully's reason for harassing others may be, during a confrontation such reasons should not be introduced as a topic of discussion. Generally, a bully is happy to use such discussions in order to avoid acknowledging responsibility for their behaviour. The Most Effective Way To Deal With A Bully, Is To Relay A Focused Message That Their Behaviour Is Hurtful And Will Not Be Tolerated No Matter What Their Reasoning! Furthermore, another effective way to reduce harassing incidents in general is to understand prevention.

Here are some pointers:

Acknowledge your role in harassing situations. Nobody likes being a victim, however at times people invite harassment without realizing it. This may be particularly true when a person has been victimized in the past or feels extra sensitive when criticized by others. Sometimes it is possible to mistake another person's lack of interest in gender issues as a form of harassment. Occasionally in such situations a person may set themselves up for harassment by drawing unnecessary attention to themselves .
If you are uncertain whether you are being harassed, pass your feelings and information about the situation by several friends you trust. Ask them how they might handle the situation, or if they believe you are overacting, and then proceed with some extra a insight. If you find yourself regularly being harassed by others, or suspect you may be continually setting yourself up for victimization, seek professional help and learn assertiveness skills.
Think Ahead! If you are newly "Coming Out" or have never been out crossdressed by yourself, plan your activities with safety in mind. Travel with friends, or restrict your activities to locations where you feel safe until your confidence level rises. It is unlikely that there is going to be a bully around "every" corner. In fact, the more times you go out the more likely it is you will notice that most people really don't pay allot of attention to others. Some persons may however respond with curiosity if they have never met a transgender person. Their curiosity may be acknowledged with a slight smile, or simply ignored as routine. Finally dress appropriate to the occasion. If a person dresses in a manner designed to draw the attention of others, he or she should be prepared for that attention and even potential criticism.
When encountering harassment do not feed into it. You can do this by simply ignoring the bully and his or her behaviour. This advice is particularly useful when encountering offhand comments from strangers looking for a confrontation, such as out in the general public. Additionally, if your find yourself encountering harassment routinely from one particular person, avoid feeding into that person's behaviour by not acting revengeful or antagonistic. Acting maliciously in response to someone else's behaviour only gives the harassing party further reason to bother you.
If you encounter a person who is continually harassing, tell that person his or her behaviour is hurtful and you will not tolerate it. State so in a brief, clear manner. Surprisingly, most bullies are scared off by these assertive words. If you feel uncomfortable confronting someone about their behaviour, develop a "confrontation plan" with your counsellor or knowledgeable friend. You may also take along a friend as a witness and for added support. However if at all possible, stay away from persons who use violence or threats of violence.
Set limits or boundaries to the amount of harassment you will accept. For example, you might say, if you continue to harass me I will ask someone to help me deal with this situation. You may also state that you will report their behaviour to a supervisor, the police or appropriate authorities. Or, you may state you will choose to no longer associate with the person. Whatever limits you set, stay with those limits or the person will not recognize you mean business and their behaviour will continue.
If you encounter a situation which becomes overheated, physical or threatening in nature, leave immediately. If you cannot leave, at least keep moving. A moving target is harder to hit, buying you time to find a way out. If you must hit back in order to get out of a situation, do so. Once out of a situation, immediately contact friends, your counsellor or the police for assistance. If you become a victim to violence because you are transgender, file a report with the police as well as with the violence prevention program serving the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community in your city. Do not allow the incident to go unnoticed. Otherwise, even if the perpetrating stops harassing you, he or she will likely continue victimizing others.

Gianna E. Israel Gender Library